My last wish

I’m about to tell you my last wish a bit later, I just want to make a point before (no, I’m not suicidal, not even close, I love life).

There I was yesterday talking about this and that with my parents and brother, and I heard 3 macabre stories that made me both laugh and ponder at the same time.

The first one was told by my mother, she said that as she was a little child, in a nearby village, preparations for a wedding were taking place. At a certain point, the future bride ate some roasted pig skin (it’s fairly common and traditional in the rural areas of Eastern Europe) and choked. Nobody could help her so she died, and she was buried in the day she was supposed to get married. As that was a pretty remote place between the hills of Transylvania no autopsy was made as there were no medic around to perform it.

Anyway, she was buried in her wedding dress, and had a huge and really beautiful gold necklace. A couple of gypsies were around and noticed the jewelry, and agreed that at night they would come and dig her out, and steal the precious gold. Story says they dug the coffin out and tried to pull the necklace from her neck but it wouldn’t break.

So they tried harder, and harder, until at a certain point the so-thought-dead started coughing. Apparently, when they shook her the stuff that choked her jumped out her throat, as she wasn’t quite dead, she just had huge difficulty breathing.

Now imagine the “jesus-tapdancing-christ” look on the gypsies face! I don’t think it’s medically possible, but their hair must’ve instantly bleached.

My mother says that woman must still be alive, as she would be around 60 years old now.

The other story I heard was about a girl who died, and was buried in the town’s cemetery. For the week after the burial, her mother had constant dreams about her crying for help. The mother said she could not live any longer until she knew that this was just a dream, so the coffin was excavated.

There, they found the body lying face down, and had biting bruises on the right arm. People concluded that the only way the body could’ve rolled was that she must’ve been alive when she was buried, and the bites were traces of her desperation and such. If she were alive when she was buried I don’t think she lasted for too long down there, as the oxygen must’ve run out pretty quickly.

And the last one is quite funny actually, to a certain point. It’s about this old lady in the hospital who died and was taken to the morgue. She was placed on a table awaiting autopsy, and for some reason the doctor was not in the hospital when he should’ve performed it. Anyway, a woman in the morgue staff was walking around whistling some song, when all out of a sudden, from the autopsy table, the old lady said “dear lady, how can you be whistling happily over there, when I’m in the chilling cold here”. The nurse had a heart attack and passed away.

It appears that the old lady was not quite dead, either. Anyway, as the personnel showed up they were astonished by the fact that the old lady was alive (and shocked that their colleague was, well, dead) and took her back to her reserve she used to be sharing with a couple other old ladies. When the patient in the next bed saw her, after seeing her pass away the previous day, she was crying “the dead is here, the dead is here” as she was jumping out the 1st floor window of the hospital.

I was saying about my last wish. Yeah. When I pass away, do me a favor, whoever you are. Glock -> my face -> two shots. Three, if it makes you happy. Or even 4, if it makes you uber mega trigger happy. I would hate to wake up 2 meters underground, running low on oxygen, or seconds before my incineration. Totally hate it. Hate it +5.